were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
