C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
