If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
