He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
