dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
