Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
