youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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