There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
