after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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