So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
