That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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