I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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