i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
