she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
