my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
