theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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