me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i came on her dog
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
