They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
