My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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