Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my shit smells like andre
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
