Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
