Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
