Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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