Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
