she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
