Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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