is your mom at the bar?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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