Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
