took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
