just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
