why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
