Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
