I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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