i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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