The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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