Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
