u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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