i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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