that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
