apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
