I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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