He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
