we have officially lost it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
