I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
