don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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