You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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