Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
