so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
