I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
