Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Randomize
