i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I know her cup size but not her name....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
