His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
